More blessed than I deserve

I received some bad news about a colleague today. Though my masses (10) of readers won't know her, I nevertheless don't feel comfortable divulging the details of her loss.

It was this bad news that prompted the title of the post. I am more blessed than I deserve. None of us is born deserving anything. We, all of us, disappoint those we love and who love us; we, all of us, make mistakes; we, all of us, fail at times; we, all of us, at times are self centered and unappreciative of how good we have things and all we have. I am no exception. I strive now to be appreciative of all God has provided for me, and to be appreciative of all that's given to me.

So, take the time to tell those people that matter to you that they matter to you. Just look at all I have to be thankful for.

February's sputtering

Not much to report, other than I've not slept well for two nights straight. Each night, I've awakened after midnight, near one or two a.m. and have not been able to return to sleep. To tell the truth, it's my future and my family's future which is causing me worry and loss of sleep.

I've been taught, and I think I believe, that I'm destined for something great. So, I'm on the lookout for opportunities. I am guilty of letting opportunities pass me by, and I want that practice to end. I want my eyes to be open to new opportunities and to be able to discern where a good opportunity exists.

I'm also guilty of being a coward, at times. Opportunities often require a risk, and I've had some difficulty discerning what it is I want or what motivates me. Therefore, I've been guilty of being a coward in the area of experiencing new opportunities. I've been averse to taking a risk for the sake of an opportunity. "Nothing ventured, nothing gained," so they say. Well, I've not gained anything from my current modus operandi.That's not true. I've gained a wonderful, loving family. Worth more than all the riches in the world.

I live in the United States of America, though, the home of capitalism! It's the beautiful thing about America, is that people may strive for greatness in the free market. Striving for that goal entails the risk of failure and financial ruin. It is financial ruin for me and my family which I've feared. It's also the sacrifice which is required in order for success, which has caused my hesitation and fear. I have to KNOW THAT I KNOW THAT I KNOW that whatever it is I sacrifice my time with my family for, is something in which I wholeheartedly believe.

I don't want to be a coward. I want to be fearless and decisive and to know what I want and how to go about getting it. I want to be a success at something. I feel like I've never been a success at anything. It might be partly true, because I've not striven for much, not attempted much, not sought to win. Where's my competitive nature? Where's my drive to win?

This post has been probably too uncomfortably personal for the masses of readers (10) following it. Yes, I'm vulnerable. I'm not happy with myself, and I will change it, and change comes so slowly. I want to experience what is so great about America, but I've gone away from my earliest education and now I'm muddled in the muck and mire of indecision and fear.

I'll post some more pictures of my kids and me and my wife, for whom (besides my own well being and personal satisfaction) I want to be successful, in order to be the best father and husband I can be (which I haven't been, except on the love angle)  and leave you with a question: Any advice?

Look at how happy and innocent we all start out.

Filling up their daddy's boots.

One of my boys showing he's brave enough to go down a long dark tunnel slide.

The snow adventurer!

You wanted the pix, you got the pix!

Look how clean the walls are behind him! Early days in the house!

Hey everyone!
Welcome to Monday. It was a short weekend. At least, it seemed short. There's never enough time for family. Unless you are other people. Other people, I've come to realize, don't value their time with family. Other people actually can't wait to get their parental obligations out of the way so they can have their own life back.
For now, at least, I enjoy my family more than any other people in the world. That is, I prefer their company to any other peoples' company in the world. For now at least. Maybe there will come a day when my kids so disappoint me, that I'll be thankful they are no longer living with me. I hope that never happens. I know there will likely come a day when I am not the person with which my sons choose to spend their time. I will be sad on that day, and maybe happy as well. I hope and pray that I raise capable men who are ready to leave the nest and make their own way in the world. I hope they are better at it than I am. I am living proof of that old adage which indicates that a horse can be brought to water, but can't be made to drink. I was taught the right way, but I didn't learn. That's on me and no one else. I own that. Owning it doesn't make it any easier, though.

When was the last time you were this happy?

Brotherly love.

In friend's tree stand.

Also in a tree stand, just lower.

Working hard having fun.

Here are some pictures of my boys.

That's my "Tom Joad" character from The Grapes of Wrath along with an outlaw cowboy and a pumpkin for Halloween a few years ago.

Another Halloween critter.

Things is good.

Things are grand around the homestead. Other than the fact that there will be little to no grass growing in our backyard this spring and summer due to the kids just plain wearing it down to the dirt, things are going fine. I'm serious, our yard does not look like it will recover very well. I guess I need to do some patching with the grass seed. I guess I am mistaken when I think grass will spread and grow, like weeds do. I guess I'll need to plant the seed and cover it with some straw.

I attended the Flint Hill Nature Trail Design Workshop last night at Ottawa City Hall. It was somewhat informative. I realize and anticipate that it won't be finished for 10-15 years. I guess I should be happy about that. I'm happy it will be finished, but the 15 years is so long to wait! I've seen the rails to trails plan for the state of Kansas: an entire network connecting K.C. to Wichita and Topeka and some other corridors. It's exciting for me to think of all the potential for traveling around Kansas with traffic problems nearly eliminated for a cyclist or hiker and in some cases an equestrian.

Thing #1 attends Scouts. Perhaps I'll write more on that another day.

Thing #2 and 3 are fine as frog hairs and full of beans. That means they're good. I'll now try to upload some pix for practice! Love to all of you and blessings.

P.S. Please let me know if I should use all of our names and real names of places or if I'm supposed to be safe and not... Sometimes I think it's kind of silly to use other names besides our real names and locations, and I know I've been inconsistent, too. Let me know what you think, please.

I think this is thing #2?

Thing #1 with his old favorite hat.

Thing #2 in his bunk bed pre-hair cut.

Here's how the trusty steed looks reflecting lights!

Thing #3 out for a brisk ride with Swamp Thing.

All three tearing it up!

Hottie!

Hello there. My, it's been a long, long time...

 It's been since October since I updated this blog. Yes, shame on me, may all my children be born naked...all that stuff. Well, I haven't updated it. No excuse. I just didn't. Sue me (no please don't).

Did you know I had three sons? Here they are. Over the years of not updating this blog on a regular basis, at least one person has commented that they'd like to see pictures of my family and less of my long winded monologues about nothing of any substance. Well, one little benefit of not updating this blog is that I learned how to get my phone pics onto a safe storage place on the internet and therefore I have them at my disposal now to decorate this blog. So, here are some relatively recent ones of Thing one, Thing two, and Thing three.My apologies to all of you (none of you) who actually really like all my long winded monologues of little or no substance. Here, look at these pictures!

Thing three before his very first haircut at two years old at mi casa.

Things one, two and three, along with the Original thing, A.K.A. Swanp Thing! We're hitting it pretty hard as you can tell.

Mama thing looking gorgeous and glamorous.

Click on the link below to hear a pretty good song by John Prine and Iris Dement.