Broyles Family: Clayton, Marian, Jack, Leo, and Henry: February's sputtering

Not much to report, other than I've not slept well for two nights straight. Each night, I've awakened after midnight, near one or two a.m. and have not been able to return to sleep. To tell the truth, it's my future and my family's future which is causing me worry and loss of sleep.

I've been taught, and I think I believe, that I'm destined for something great. So, I'm on the lookout for opportunities. I am guilty of letting opportunities pass me by, and I want that practice to end. I want my eyes to be open to new opportunities and to be able to discern where a good opportunity exists.

I'm also guilty of being a coward, at times. Opportunities often require a risk, and I've had some difficulty discerning what it is I want or what motivates me. Therefore, I've been guilty of being a coward in the area of experiencing new opportunities. I've been averse to taking a risk for the sake of an opportunity. "Nothing ventured, nothing gained," so they say. Well, I've not gained anything from my current modus operandi.That's not true. I've gained a wonderful, loving family. Worth more than all the riches in the world.

I live in the United States of America, though, the home of capitalism! It's the beautiful thing about America, is that people may strive for greatness in the free market. Striving for that goal entails the risk of failure and financial ruin. It is financial ruin for me and my family which I've feared. It's also the sacrifice which is required in order for success, which has caused my hesitation and fear. I have to KNOW THAT I KNOW THAT I KNOW that whatever it is I sacrifice my time with my family for, is something in which I wholeheartedly believe.

I don't want to be a coward. I want to be fearless and decisive and to know what I want and how to go about getting it. I want to be a success at something. I feel like I've never been a success at anything. It might be partly true, because I've not striven for much, not attempted much, not sought to win. Where's my competitive nature? Where's my drive to win?

This post has been probably too uncomfortably personal for the masses of readers (10) following it. Yes, I'm vulnerable. I'm not happy with myself, and I will change it, and change comes so slowly. I want to experience what is so great about America, but I've gone away from my earliest education and now I'm muddled in the muck and mire of indecision and fear.

I'll post some more pictures of my kids and me and my wife, for whom (besides my own well being and personal satisfaction) I want to be successful, in order to be the best father and husband I can be (which I haven't been, except on the love angle) and leave you with a question: Any advice?