If you read last Friday's post, you may have picked up on the hints that I was displeased with myself for dropping the ball on Marian's birthday. Needless to say, her feelings were hurt. I'd like to say this was an individual incident. The truth is I've dropped the ball on her birthday probably all eleven of the birthdays I've known her for. And Christmases. And Valentine's day. And anniversaries. And mother's day.
What can I say? I have no good excuse. I am NOT guilty of forgetting these occasions, overlooking them. I am guilty of procrastinating doing something for her until it's too late. I dwell on what to get her, do for her, weeks before and my inner dialogue goes something like this: Mare's birthday (or insert appropriate occasion here) is coming up in a couple of weeks. I really let her down last (occasion), I need to do something special for her to make her feel special. What can I do that would show her? Hmm. I'll have to think about it . . .
And that's as far as I make it. Procrastination! The bane of my existence.
I always want to do something special, something really original. Then I don't do any of it. I can't stand the thought of buying her something from Wal-Mart. Let me wander around in here until I find something to buy for her which she'll like. That doesn't sound appealing at all. But, a cheesy gift from Wal-Mart is better than a plate full of nothing. Nothing is what she got.
I had the audacity to focus my attentions on my own self hate rather than focusing on making it up to her. What can I do? Our tenth anniversary is coming up fast. I can try to do something special for that. But what? Leave a comment with your suggestions. It's time I start thinking of others first, instead of myself.
No comments:
Post a Comment